just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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