Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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