And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
