There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
