There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
