Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize