ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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