Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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