Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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