He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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