So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
