The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
