Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
