he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
