i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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