i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
