I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize