can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
