This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize