he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
