Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
