Already got asked if we're dating
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize