you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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