She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
