We need to rekindle our bromance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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