Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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