If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
