I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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