I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize