Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize