I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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