i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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