You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
