Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
