You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
