guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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