is your mom at the bar?
Me too!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
