I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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