He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
