I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
