plz talk dirty to me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
