Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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