You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
