my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i have two assholes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.