i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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