The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.