He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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