We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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