if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.