someone threw a dead crab at me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
