Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
