How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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