you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
