I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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