You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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