no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
