You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
