if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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