i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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