i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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