My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize