He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
