Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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