I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
