I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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