I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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