Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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