My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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