So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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