I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
