before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
