sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
