i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
