But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
