I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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