3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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