I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
