Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
