I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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