I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
