he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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