I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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