I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I understand Curling. That high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
