Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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