You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
