Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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