I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
