Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
