What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
