Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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